November 21, 2005


Some things that are funny to me right now:

1. Repeating the last thing you said, or some variation thereof. "I won't accept that as an answer, Edward. I won't accept that." Also effective if a faux condescending or inspirational voice is used. "Maybe Christmas will come early this year. (Then more meaningfully) Maybe it will ..."
2. Words that sound dirty but aren't such as: climmit, conch, vondruke, titmouse, etc.
3. Right now, doing something for a really long time to where it gets awkward and then funny again is very hot.
4. Talking in a very deep self important voice.
5. Making poetic referrences to weather as a person: "Lady Winter has let loose with her chill breath. It escapes her mouth with the force of one hundred icy angels glistening the nape of my neck and making it sheen like Walden Pond on December 28th." Can also be done in conjunction with number 4 for extra points and laughs.
6. When you burn somebody the normal instinct is to say "Burn" or "Zing," I know. But, it's even better when you say something that doesn't make sense like "Glangin" or "Baazowee!"
7. Jovially discussing your "serious" problems or those of your own children is high comedy. "I'm grateful that Hugh has some sort of stunted development and can't crawl yet. It's perfect for the holidays! This may the first year in many that we haven't worried about babies pulling ornaments off trees or ripping open presents. After the New Year we will take him to a specialist." (As said by C. Clark)
8. Really loud whispering.
9. Blaming terrorism or general malaise on animals. (See Stephen Colbert and bears or my own treatise on snake terrorism.)

Follow these rules and you will be the life of any party or ho-down.

November 4, 2005


Sometimes ... my cell phone says I'm roaming ...