February 29, 2008

An Almost Diablo Cody Sighting and Why I Need to Get Out More

I was up in SLC for an audition for High School Musical 3 yesterday. I read for Junkyard Attendant and I think I nailed it. So when you see High School Musical 3 and I'm not in it, I want you all to look at who is the Junkyard Attendant and say to yourselves "I bet Brett would have been way better at delivering that one line." OK?

But that's not the exiting part. And here is why getting out of the office for lunch and/or auditions is always a good thing. After the audition, I went to an old favorite lunch spot of mine on 4oo E Broadway called Greek Souvlaki No. 1 for a gyro. While I was waiting for my food I heard the following conversation from two people at the table next to me:

Scruffy twenty-something guy (STG): "Girls are all sluts."

The mom or, perhaps, psychologist (MoP): "Don't say that."

STG: "They are! And I don't f---king want to get involved with any of them, ever again, because they all want the same thing."

MoP: "And what is that?"

STG: "Sex. That's all they think about or talk about. And I f---king don't care about that stuff in my relationships; I like to actually build a relationship on other things. But the conversation always f---king comes back to sex!"

MoP: "Isn't that a part of building the relationship?"

STG: "No! Because I don't want to f---king have sex with people I actually like. I only have sex with people I hate, people I f---king despise, so that I can just be done with it ..."

MoP: "Well ... I don't ... uh ... are you going to try to work things out with Lori?"

STG: "No, I'm never going to talk to that (b-word) again. We're done."

Silence.

MoP: "OK, well, we should get going."

Mind you, the conversation was not hushed. It was the loudest conversation in the restaurant. Louder than anything there, the dishes, the grill, the ambient music, everything. It was impossible to hear anything else. C-R-A-Z-Y.

What is so strange is how he almost had a healthy view of relationships, you know? It's not a bad idea to develop the relationship first before getting physical. About 99% of the time it's the best idea. But then he is also going out and seeking sex from women he knows he will despise and thinks all women are promiscuous. That's the disturbed and unhealthy part (in case you were wondering). I bet you I could write a screenplay based on this guy and get David Fincher to direct it.

In the same restaurant I saw a Diablo Cody doppleganger and was so close to congratulating her on her Oscar. I should have but, then again, I only like to congratulate people I really really hate.

6 comments:

The Grunt said...

This is the best blog post I've read this week, Brett. Oh, and that Greek Souvlaki is delicious.

Mrs.Misses said...

I'm one of those people who reads the ending of a book before I get to the ending, kind of like I can't control myself and then suddenly I read the ending and I didn't meant to and I totally did that with this post. So I read the words High School Musical 3 and then got to the dialogue and was thinking....is this your version of HSM3 because you didn't get the part and you're now pissed and writing your own version or is that a youtube spin off or what the?? Oh, two totally different topics. My bad. PS I am obsessed with HSM. How do EYE get to audition?? When are they coming? Where do I need to go to watch them film?!

April Fossen said...

If you do get the part, and Zac Efron happens to be in the junkyard scene and you don't call me on the day you film, I'll never forgive you. I know he could be my son! I don't care. My crush on you doesn't make a whole lot of sense either.

Tom Q. said...

I once saw Michael Stipes in an Albertsons in Park City buying a big box of day-old doughnuts. This sighting raised many thoughts, like:
1. Where's the rest of his band? I thought bands went everywhere together.
2. For a middle aged guy a box of doughnuts hardly seems like a sensible meal; as it was half way between lunch and dinner.
3. For a rich guy, he's kinda' cheap when it comes to his pastries.
But who am I to judge. I prefer to get my doughnuts from the big black bags in the krispy kream dumpster.

P & L said...

I was doing some catch up reading and I read the Monday joke and this post and I feel they are connected.

Perhaps STG just wants to be a fish.

So, think about that for awhile.

Amelia Merritt said...

AHAH! I KNEW April had a crush on you, you big liar. PANTS EN FUEGO!!!